There was a fat gourmet named Finney
Who hated to see people skinny
Which I think best explains
Why he left his remains
To a cannibal tribe in New Guinea
It is said that Dame Julian of Norwich
Was tempted to sin by her porwich.
At breakfast one day,
She yelled, “Devils, away!”
Then she locked all her oats up in storwich.
This invention is just what we need.
Our computers can’t match it for speed.
Access files in a flash,
From a source that won’t crash--
It’s a cabinet, progress indeed!
Those observers who work on the Hubble come
To develop strange thoughts that can trouble some:
From the Big Bang till now
Things expanded, but how?
Is the universe string? Or just bubble gum?
There was an invincible ninja
Whom fist, blade nor bullet could injure
Great trials he braved
But at last was enslaved
By a pitiless kitten named Ginger
A rather disgruntled young Viking
Found plunder was not to his liking
When they yelled, “All ashore”
He just threw down his oar
And announced, “I’m not striking, I’m striking”
Guest Limericks:
Silence Is Golden
There once was a man, Mr. Keller.
He wasn't a very smart feller.
His wife would say, "Dear,
How big is my rear?"
And he wouldn't lie, he'd just tell 'er!" Albert Van Hoogmoed
One Last Cigar
I heard that old Reggie McGarr
Died peacefully, with his cigar,
Peacefully dreaming,
Not yelling and screaming
Like folks in the back of his car. Albert Van Hoogmoed
The Millionaire's Daughter
In spite of her eyes that don't match,
A scar from a real nasty scratch,
A wart on her nose
And three extra toes,
I think she's a really good catch! Albert Van Hoogmoed
